Fibromyalgia can rob a person of what feels like their entire identity. It brings highly functioning successful people to an absolute standstill. When your body and mind work one day and fail the next, it is hard to recreate any version of you. When a flare grips hold there is no stopping it. Those of us who are used to going 500 mph fight all the warning signs until the very end. In fact, we end up prolonging that end by ignoring our bodies while looking longingly in the rear view mirror praying that willpower will drag us back. But, what if going back wasn't so great?
I find it very difficult to overcome the need to compare. When the words won't come and the thoughts don't make sense I feel as if my greatest gift was tragically ripped from me and I am left staring blankly like a deer in headlights. Not only do I reminisce about what once was but I also mourn who I am not today because of it. From my bed I pour over blogs that are so well-written and suddenly feel inferior. Unworthy. So today I stop comparing myself. To the mothers who seem to do it all. To the career females who juggle life and family with ease. Multitasking for me has dwindled. Capability and output is a far cry from what was.
When we stop trying to be who we were or who we aren't, we can open up the possibilities for a new person to emerge. A person who accepts limitations and boundaries but continues to work and build and grow. Living harmoniously with a chronic illness isn't easy but I am trying. This blog is hopefully a step in that direction. It might be terrible and it certainly isn't perfect but it's accepting where I am today. Ceasing to compare myself and simply being me. Flared and all. Tomorrow may be better or not, but I am growing all the same.